I remember someone once asking me about my own transition and comparing it to Buffalo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs. It was their only reference point for what a trans person was, despite the fact that both the film and the novel explicitly state that the character isn’t actually trans. It was in this moment that I understood the impact these portrayals have on the general public. All he saw was a male actor in women’s clothing acting out a psychopathic fantasy. Because there was no authentic trans humanity behind the performance, the character was reduced to a “costume” of mental illness, a dangerous misunderstanding that real trans people have to navigate every day.

In the other direction, however, we have stories that attempt to portray trans people as sympathetic, even if they are often shown as passive or defined solely by their struggle for acceptance. A series I deeply admire is Amazon’s Transparent. Jeffrey Tambor portrays Maura, an older woman coming out later in life. While I usually advocate for authentic casting, I have often found myself defending Transparent. Because the story focuses on a person of Maura’s age at the beginning of her transition, the casting of a cisgender man felt less like a gimmick and more like a reflection of her pre-transition history.

Maura felt like a fully realized person that trans people could actually see themselves in. Maura’s story resonated with me, and the series even introduced me to the history of the Weimar Republic in Nazi Germany. Maura’s grandmother’s sister was a trans woman who worked with Magnus Hirschfield at the Institute of Sex Research prior to the fall of the Weimar Republic. Much of Maura’s soul likely came from behind the camera; the show’s creator, Joey Soloway, is non-binary and brought a level of lived experience to the writing that made the character feel honest rather than caricatured.

The last couple of decades have seen a significant shift toward showing our humanity. Films like The Danish Girl and Boys Don’t Cry earned Academy Award nominations, yet both featured cisgender leads playing trans roles. However, with those nominations it creates a false narrative for the audience, because they’ve played these trans characters yet the trans character isn’t who is being applauded. Their stories aren’t what is the focus, it’s the actors ability to portray them. And the actors, who are male, got the recognition. For a while, it felt like we were finally moving past that era. We began seeing a wave of successful, acclaimed performances from actual trans actors in series like Orange Is the New Black, Sense8, The Umbrella Academy, Pose, and Baby Reindeer. These shows proved that authentic storytelling doesn’t just fulfill a social “quota”, but makes for better, more compelling art because it comes from a place of truth.

It’s because of this hard-won progress that I am so confused by the recent casting for HBO’s third season of The Last of Us.

The character of Lev, introduced in the video game The Last of Us Part II, is a trans boy fleeing a fanatical cult, the Seraphites. In the game, Lev was portrayed by trans actor Ian Alexander, whose performance was praised for its authenticity and depth. However, for the HBO adaptation’s third season, the show has cast Kriyanna Kratter, a ciswoman, to play him.

One might ask, “How is that any different than Jeffrey Tambor playing Maura?” To me, the answer is simple. In Transparent, the casting served a specific narrative bridge between a character’s past and present. There are several scenes that take place in Maura’s past, showing her interest in transitioning and feeling uncomfortable in her skin. It makes sense that we see a male actor, an older one at that age who hasn’t gone though any kind of medical transition in real life. Another key difference is that Transparent cast several trans actors in other roles. Characters such as Shea played by Trace Lysette and Alexandra Billings as Davina. The series features other real life trans actors going through things real trans people have to deal with. It makes the audience realize Maura’s story is just one of many.

In Lev’s case, the power of the character came from the inherent masculinity of a young boy fighting to be seen as he is. By casting a ciswoman to play a trans boy, the production risks unintentionally validating the very thing Lev is running away from: the idea that, “deep down,” he is still female. Ian Alexander’s lived experience made Lev feel real and made his journey for survival feel urgent. As a player, I felt a need to protect him because his struggle felt so grounded in reality. It also made me love the character of Abby, a character that has received enormous amounts of hate in the series. She becomes his protector, and accepts him for who he is when she learns of his identity. It makes me appreciate the original casting and their intention. With Lev being the only trans character in this series, unlike Transparent, the audience who never played the game will only ever see this version of him. A version being played a ciswoman.

Perhaps an argument to be made for this casting choice is that because it it set in a post-apocalyptic world, one where a fungal infection wiped out a large majority of humanity, that casting a cis woman prior to any gender affirming type of care makes sense. Lev in the game doesn’t have an access to any sort of medication for transitioning, instead it’s presented to the players that him shaving his head was a sign of his rebellion and longing to be seen as a boy. That and of course the conversations he has with the other character Abby. Despite this argument though, it still feels odd to recast a trans actor who bought something special to Lev. The Last of Us HBO series has brought back other actors who appeared in the game to play their same characters in the television series, so it makes me wonder why that couldn’t have happened with Lev.

There’s a lot more that I really want to dive into such not seeing as many young trans actors out there performing and how it’s important that they’re represented because most of the anti-trans legislation is against them. I also would love to go into a deeper discussion about the difference for me regarding cis actors playing trans people and trans people playing cis roles. I could even talk about how certain cis actors have even turned down roles of playing trans people, and some coming out and apologizing for the roles they did play. There is so much more that can be talked about with this subject, but I wanted to keep it brief.

What concerns me most right now is the possibility of us retreating from the progress we’ve made. I can’t help but wonder if there were political pressures or pushback from the network, especially as trans youth in particular continue to be targeted by anti-trans legislation across the country. I don’t want us to get to a place again where everyone just thinks it’s okay, because there are a lot of amazing talented trans people out there who still haven’t gotten the recognition they deserve for the roles they’ve played and the representation they brought to their community.

I hope the creators eventually comment on this choice and share the reasoning behind it. Until then, I’ll continue to point people toward the shows that get it right. The ones that trust trans actors to bring their own truth to the screen. Our stories deserve to be told by the people who actually live them.

“I want to feel chosen.”

“I want to feel like they chose me.”

For me, these thoughts were always at the forefront of how I approached love. When I began my transition and finally immersed myself in the dating scene, a world I never thought I’d navigate, I wanted the people I dated to make a conscious decision about being with a trans woman. I wanted to be the girl they chose over the “typical” cis girls. I wanted to feel like, despite all their other “natural” options, they wanted me.

Most of the time, though, that wasn’t the case. I was the fling. I was the good time. I was the experiment. I was never the girl they fell in love with. For the longest time, I just thought I was unlovable. I felt like I had nothing more to give, and I was even told as much by a man I’d shared a deep bond with. After speaking for a long time, he stood me up and told me he realized he might actually want his own biological children one day. It was one of the biggest gut punches of my life. If this man didn’t want me because I couldn’t naturally have children, I feared no one else would either. I felt worthless.

When I did finally find people who were accepting and wanted a relationship, they often brought their own sets of issues that pulled them away from us. Their addictions made me feel, once again, like I wasn’t being chosen. I’d bring up my concerns, try to help them the best I could, and explain how it was affecting our relationship, but it was usually to no avail. It might sound silly to some, but it felt like they were choosing their addiction over me. No matter how they tried to get a handle on it, the addiction was always there, and eventually, it was always put before my feelings.

Now, I’m navigating a relationship where, for once, I truly feel chosen. My partner and I met organically through work, and my transness came out slowly over time. We expressed interest in one another, and one thing led to another until we were together. I didn’t realize at first, however, that I was his first relationship.

That realization brought an intense amount of pressure. Pressure because he’s younger; pressure because I don’t want to mess anything up; and pressure because, finally, it feels like someone has looked at me and said, “I want to be with you,” knowing full well what being with a trans woman entails. I’ve never felt more in love, and part of me truly believes it’s because I finally feel like, out of every other person in the world, I’m the one he wants. That type of love is invaluable.

We just spent our second Valentine’s Day together, and it served as a powerful reminder of how fortunate I am to have him in my life. I know there are so many trans women out there who don’t always get to experience this type of love; even drop-dead gorgeous trans celebrities still struggle to find partners who truly show up. It makes me incredibly grateful, and it reinforces my sense of self-worth. To all my trans sisters: please remember that you are worth it. You deserve to be chosen, so don’t ever settle for less.

Stay safe.

On September 10th, 2025 the Conservative activist and influencer Charlie Kirk was assassinated at a Turning Point USA event in Utah, and I did not care. I knew who Charlie Kirk was, an influential figure of the Conservative Party who would hold open discussions at college campuses. “Debates” he would call these, though in reality they were really more about trying to “one up” the other person with zingers. I also knew of some of the more heinous comments Kirk had made regarding black people, women, and trans people. Comments claiming that transgender people are abominations, that wives should be submissive to their husbands, and that black women do not have the brain processing power to be taken seriously. Charlie Kirk was the bully.

When I heard about his death, and even witnessed it via video recordings, I thought that I must be a terrible person for not having the same emotional response as some others around me. I didn’t flinch, I didn’t gasp, I didn’t cry. Instead, I simply felt nothing.

“Who feels nothing when they witness the death of another human being? Am I the sociopath?” I asked myself. I thought maybe something inside of me was broken.

My mind went back ten years to the start of my transition. I thought about those early, almost apolitical years when I didn't fear expressing myself. Back then, transgender people were barely a blip in the political discourse, so I navigated the world with a certain naivete—meeting strangers from the internet, documenting my life on Instagram. It was only in the last four years that I began to feel the true weight of the words used by people like Charlie Kirk. The weight of a word like 'abomination.'

Not only Kirk’s words, however, but the many other conservative pundits who have grown increasingly vocal for their disdain of the trans community. People like Matt Walsh, Ben Shapiro, Candace Owens, Donald Trump, and several others. These people have used their platforms to spread misinformation about my community, to incite hate and violence, and to tell the masses that we should not exist.

I didn’t realize people like this existed, and when I started to see the damage they were doing, something in me changed. People I had known for years, since before my transition, pledged their allegiances to Donald Trump and voted for him again despite him calling for the removal of trans people’s healthcare. People I work with commenting on Facebook posts that make fun of trans people, people who consider themselves Christians. And now, people I once considered friends, standing behind and lifting up Charlie Kirk as a patriot and a martyr.

I see my biggest fear coming true, that people will eventually turn on me. I’ve seen it happen in real time with friends, and people I once called lovers. It made me realize that just knowing a trans person, being friends with them, clearly isn’t enough to change someone’s heart. It frightens me. So I’ve built this wall, I’ve put up a shield, but not because I wanted to. It’s a survival tactic, and it makes me sad that I’m losing the ability to feel for another person. But Charlie Kirk was no school bully. He was much worse, because he knew better. How can I continue to protect myself if I feel even the slightest bit of empathy for a man who made it his life mission to hurt and put others down?

But again, this isn’t just about Kirk. Since his death there have been calls of action from right-wing politicians and commentators. Claiming that leftists are the reason for his death, despite evidence showing that the shooter came from a republican background. There have been calls for violence against trans people, because of the assumption that the shooter may have been trans because of the previous Minneapolis shooting. And despite the hateful rhetoric that Kirk preached, he has been held up as a national hero. To the extent that across the country, states have asked for a moment of silence for him. A moment of silence for an influencer who preached hate. It sickens me to my core.

Though I shield myself from those like Kirk, him and others will never take away my humanity. I still feel empathy for those deserving of it. Those who live their lives with goodness in their hearts, those who make sacrifices for the greater good, and those who are in situations out of their control who are making the best of it every day. I’ll continue to feel empathy for the children who have lost their lives due to gun violence, and those who are dying every day due to starvation, homelessness, and war. All I can do is hope that people learn from the damage Kirk caused, and choose to be better. But in this life, the damage has been done, and I can’t tell anyone how to feel about that.

Donate A Coffee

I’ve known I was different since I was a kid. I dressed up as Disney princesses like Belle, and I would take my Britney Spears ...Baby One More Time doll to parent-teacher night at school. If that wasn’t bad enough, I’d also bring along my Sailor Moon doll to peewee football practice. My father wasn’t too pleased with that one, but he laughed it off in the end. I was what you might call the stereotypical version of a trans girl.

If those instances never raised any alarms in my parents, then perhaps my sneaking off with the neighborhood boy to fondle each other underneath the trees behind my childhood home would have. Nope, I guess not.

I was introduced to the concept of sex far earlier than I should have been. Maybe it was the porno mags of my dad's I found, or something else, but it cemented one thing for me: I liked boys. Loved boys. But I also knew that every time I was with that same neighborhood boy, it went beyond just attraction. I always pretended to be a girl. I remember us being obsessed with that animated Gargoyles show; we'd jump around on his trampoline pretending to be gargoyles, and I was always the girl one—Angela, I think her name was.

I juggled both of these secrets for the longest time, completely unknown to my family. I didn’t know what my attraction to this boy meant, nor did I understand why I was so drawn to being feminine and playing that role. In my mind, I was just being a kid; I thought this was what kids did.

It wasn’t until I was older that I really thought back to those moments and realized two things: how much I was struggling to understand myself, and how I didn’t have anyone to share those feelings with—except for him.

Flash forward to a difficult time: my family moved in with my grandmother to help care for her after my grandfather committed suicide. She lived out in the country—at least, as far as I understood it. Throughout all the turmoil of those years, from elementary school up until high school, I held onto my secret.

Everyone assumed I was just some anti-social gay kid, but I knew it was deeper than that. I tried my hardest to conform, which for me meant developing crushes on girls. (Funnily enough, a couple of them were named Megan; it felt like every other girl was at the time.) I felt, however, that I needed to like them to keep the secret going and get people off my back. And I did like them, but not in the way they thought. The truth was, my feelings were more about envy than attraction. I liked them because they looked the way I wanted to look.

Eventually, those crushes faded, and I turned my attention to places where I could slowly start to explore a truer part of myself. I spent a lot of my time playing video games, especially ones where I could play as a woman, like Lara Croft in Tomb Raider. When video games weren’t enough, I spoke to strangers in online chat rooms, pretending to be a woman named Kay. I’d use that name in multiplayer games, too, since my voice always sounded feminine anyway. This was my escape, and it was what led me to a little bit of freedom.

During my final year of high school, and sometime after, I started to develop anxiety that would sneak up on me in the weirdest ways. I had to have my carpet lines even when I vacuumed; I couldn’t look up at tall buildings; I couldn’t ride as a passenger; and I couldn’t be in wide open spaces without losing my breath. It felt debilitating at times, and I worried that I wouldn’t get to experience things I wanted to do. I strongly believe this anxiety stemmed from not being able to be myself—not being able to navigate the world how I wanted.

Shortly after my 21st birthday, I knew I needed to make a change. I had spent what should have been an amazing night crying to myself because I wasn’t where I wanted to be. My hair was thinning, I was gaining weight, I didn’t have any sort of meaningful relationship with anyone, and I was just tired. I knew that if I didn’t change something soon, I never would. I would remain this person for the rest of my life.

When I finally spoke with a gender therapist and received the go-ahead to start hormones, I was elated but also terrified. I had no idea how my body would react, and for the longest time, I was scared. I always thought I would leave this world the way I came into it; that was my mindset for so long. But God, am I grateful I took that leap of faith.

The first couple of years were the worst. I had soaring highs and devastatingly low lows. I was all over the place, obsessed with trying to look feminine too quickly. I wore hideous wigs, had no sense of style whatsoever, and my makeup could have easily been done by a child. I was trying to do too much, too fast, and it showed. I didn't feel comfortable, and at times, it just made the dysphoria worse.

I had moments where I thought about suicide, unable to deal with the pressure of what it took to be a "passable" trans woman. I felt like I wasn’t going to be pretty enough, sexy enough, or hot enough. I was more concerned with how I appealed to others than with the importance of loving myself first. It took a long time for me to become comfortable in my own skin while trying to recover from the effects that my first puberty had taken on me, like the thinning hair and the hair growing on my back. If I couldn’t love myself, who else would love me?

Once hormones settled in, and taking them was just another daily routine, I eventually did find people who loved me. Some were for the night, some were a year, some a few more. I realized there were people out there who would love me for me. Though all of those relationships ended, they were something I never imagined I would get to experience. Memories I dreamed of making had come to fruition, if only for a while. I’ve gotten to experience some wild adventures, and each one I never would have gotten to have if I didn’t take that leap.

Eventually the depression subsided some, and the anxiety almost went away. I have traveled to other countries, something I feared I would never be able to do. I became less afraid of being out in public spaces, and I became less afraid of meeting new people. I even started running, which is something I used to hate. Hormones helped change my mentality in the best possible way, reducing fear and lifting me up to finally enjoy living.

Now, I am in a loving and stable relationship with someone I cherish more than anything in this world; I am writing my first novel and have published other writings; I have become more politically engaged and aware of the ongoing discrimination that trans people face; and, quite simply, I am a happier person. I no longer put so much stress on what it means to “pass” anymore, and I am with someone that I can fully be myself with, without feeling like I am putting on a disguise.

I still have my low days when I think about the state of the country and the ongoing crises in the world, but I try to find things that bring me joy and peace. I know it’s hard, and yes, it may continue to get harder—but it isn’t the end.

Donate A Coffee

When I turned 30, I wrote a piece about what aging meant for me, as someone who started her transition only a decade ago at 22. I talked about the fears I had such as aging and appearing more masculine, and the worry of not finding love again if my previous partner and I were to ever separate. I also pointed out that while I am getting older, I still feel like I am in my early 20’s. Mainly because this life is still relatively new to me, and I have had to navigate it differently than most others. All of my memories before transitioning are clear as day, but it’s more like I’m watching a documentary on someone else’s life.

One of the regrets that I often talk about is not having the opportunity to start my transition earlier, and not getting to experience certain life moments. One such moment is having a high school sweetheart, and falling in love when I was younger. These moments that tend to happen organically for a lot of people, I wasn’t a part of, and I worried that I might never be a part of. It often felt like my time had passed, especially now. The older I became, the less likely it looked to find someone who would be interested in me. The hateful rhetoric toward trans people hasn’t helped. Aging was beginning to look bleak.

Earlier this year I started becoming closer to someone who is younger than me. He’s twenty, and it left me with a lot of confusing thoughts as it related to my identity and not feeling my age. He, like myself, had to mature a lot faster than those around him. For the first time in my life, he’s someone I met organically who didn’t bat an eye at my identity when I disclosed it to him. It made me feel a sense of hope for the upcoming generation of trans people.

Meeting people after transitioning always came about via dating apps, because it was easier. I was able to identify myself via my profile, and anyone who wasn’t interested in dating me would either ignore, block, or report me. People didn’t often take the time to get to know me, the trans aspect aside. They didn’t tend to talk to me like they would a girl they were actually interested in. They wouldn’t ask about my dreams, my desires, my feelings, or my goals. They mostly ever only cared about what parts I had, like I was some interchangeable doll.

He’s helped me worry less about issues I wrote about before such as my hair and my body. He’s taught me how to properly take care of my hair, and I have started to notice it looks a lot healthier and fuller. He makes me feel secure about my body all of the time, and I never feel mannish when I am around him even with a 5 o’clock shadow. I still remember before we started getting to know one another better, I asked him if I looked okay and if I looked like I was trans or whatever. He just said “You’re a beautiful woman”, and my heart melted.

Meeting him and spending time together has made me feel seen in a way I haven’t quite felt before. When we’re together it feels like I am getting to experience a time life didn’t allow me to have. Though age is a factor, and one we’ve had many conversations about, I can’t help but still feel like I am in my early twenties. Aging is starting to become a lot less scary.

I wanted to share a little about this relationship for a number of reasons. I wanted to express how happy I am, and how finding love again is possible after a breakup and also with age. However, I also did want to express that I do have concerns. I have worried that people would perceive me as some type of groomer (due to the recent fearmongering from Conservatives about trans people). I’ve worried that maybe I’m just not the type of woman he sees himself with. I’ve worried that maybe he’ll wake up one day and realize this is just isn’t something that he wants right now.

In this moment, however, I am embracing the happiness. I have gotten to experience so many wonderful new things, and I am so grateful to still be here today. Aging is always going to be a little bit daunting to me, but it’s getting easier.

“You’re so beautiful”, “You’re gorgeous”, “I wish I looked half as good as you”, “Your voice is so feminine”, “I would love to have you as my girlfriend”, “Your hair looks great”, “Transition goals”…

Lies, lies, lies, lies, lies, and more lies. How long have people been lying to me? “They’re just being nice” I think. They don’t really mean what they say, or maybe they used to. The Conservative media about trans people have gotten to them, that’s gotta be it. They’re just saying what I want to hear.

I reach for a pair of trimming scissors in desperation. Scissors in one hand, the ends of my hair in the other. I cut at the dead ends, still brushing my fingers through my hair as more and more strands hit the floor. “Just chop it off!” As if that’ll solve my problems.

I put the scissors down and pull my hair back into a ponytail. My temples clearly visible, my forehead protruding. I see a monster. Someone I don’t recognize. It never used to be like this. My hair was thicker when I was a kid, so thick and long that people would call me ma’am before even I realized. Puberty is to blame.

I turn to look at my back, remembering the days where my mother had to shave the unwanted hair that was growing. My head slumped over, wondering if I would have to do this for the rest of my life. The hair doesn’t grow there anymore, thanks to the hormones. If only they could have also stopped it from growing on my face.

Lying in bed, my towel still wrapped around me, he tells me I’m beautiful. I don’t hear it, or rather I choose not to hear it. “No wonder people don’t want to be my friend; I look like this”. It’s 6 p.m. Sleep. Sleep is what I need. I’ll feel better tomorrow. I hope.

The only part of my transition I regret is not being able to start sooner. My parents were like many others, thinking it was just a phase. I suppose I didn’t help with that when eventually I pushed those feelings aside. The only reason I did was because I had given up. I didn’t realize I could live how I wanted to. From a child’s perspective it was as fictional as magic.

My hairline receding, my shoulders broadening, my facial hair. All things I still struggle with today, nine years later, which could have been easily avoidable. All things these bigoted people make fun of, and what they use to denounce my womanhood, could have been easily avoided. I don’t always blame my parents, but sometimes I do.

Gods how I wish the younger generation would have it easier. But now they’re being targeted. Will it ever stop? I want them to be able to experience everything so fully as their selves. Not skipping their prom because they felt uncomfortable with themselves, not missing yearbook photos because they faced extreme distress over their appearance, not trying harder because they didn’t want their successes to be attributed to someone they didn’t want to be. Just let them live. The pain of waiting is unbearable, and only gets more difficult as time presses on.

Sharron Davies represented Great Britain in the 1980 Olympics, and swam against an East German swimmer named Petra Schneider. The East German swimmers during this time were involved in a doping scandal. The German Democratic Republic was providing testosterone to their athletes in the hopes of winning medals, which they believed would enhance their state image. Petra Schneider was one of the athletes who received testosterone, and because of this she ultimately beat Davies.

Davies discusses this scandal with Gaines in the first episode, and she compares what she went through during the Olympics to what Gaines and other female athletes are going through now competing against trans women. She makes this comparison despite trans women competing with reduced testosterone levels. Trans women are able to reduce their testosterone levels down to cisgender female levels in as little as 4 months. The women Davies competed against were regularly given testosterone, under the guise that they were vitamins. Davies even mentions that they had developed masculine features, meaning they had been on testosterone for quite some time. The testosterone in this case benefited the females Davies competed against, but the comparison to Lia Thomas for instance doesn’t make sense considering she suppressed her testosterone for two years prior to competing against cis women.

Davies at one point tells Gaines that male puberty is irreversible, and that essentially nothing changes with hormone therapy. She says males naturally have larger hands, are taller, and even minute differences such as having a larger Q angle. The issue with this argument is that everyone has genetic differences. There are plenty of cis women who are born with PCOS for instance, an estimated 10% of the U.S. female population at that. Having PCOS tends to result in higher testosterone levels in cis women. Davies’s argument about nothing changing during hormone therapy is also provenly false. In just a year trans women experience redistribution of body fat, decreased muscle mass and strength, breast growth, decreased libido and several other physical changes. Ironically, despite Davies being an advocate that trans women have male advantages over cis women, she has praised Michael Phelps even though he would also fall under the category for having an advantage over other swimmers.

Davies mentions at one point about the IOC (International Olympic Committee) deciding in 2016 that trans women no longer need to undergo surgery to compete against cis women, however what she failed to mention is that they still required trans women to undergo hormone therapy. She says…

Davies again conflates the situation with the East Germans and trans women. Davies just said that male puberty causes larger hands on males, being taller, etc. physical changes that cannot change. However, she then says that the East Germans won because of male puberty, but taking testosterone does not increase hand size or change your height. There are of course physical changes such as muscle mass, facial hair, a deepened voice, etc. but those changes are not occurring in trans women, they occurred in cis women who were given testosterone. Once again, trans women have been required to reduce their testosterone levels before even being allowed to compete with cis women. She then throws out a bogus claim that there are fifty trans women cyclists across the United States who are dominating records. In reality, the International Cycling Union just placed a ban on trans cyclists because of a single trans woman who won.

Gaines uses this information provided by Davies to reinforce her stance that it is a larger problem than activists would have people believe. Gaines says that trans activists argue that trans women are not dominating competition, and that the legislation against them is uncalled for. Gaines must not be aware of the sports ban that was implemented in Utah because of a single trans girl who was registered to compete in high school across the entire state. She must also not be aware of a similar bill in Ohio where only 3 trans girls are approved in the state to the compete. Trans people, myself included, say it is uncalled for because it is. There simply is no evidence to suggest that trans people are dominating sports either at a high school or international level.

Gaines asks Davies what she thinks about the safety for women when it comes to allowing trans women into female spaces. Davies once again conflates two separate situations, one being if a man exposed himself out in public, and the other being Lia Thomas sharing a locker room with Gaines and other females. One situation being an intentional exposure, and for some sexual gratification, and the other being a trans woman using a woman’s changing room because she’s a woman. Gaines even said in my interview with her that she never felt Lia would intentionally make anyone uncomfortable, and never personally felt uncomfortable by her presence. Of course, however, she’s going to agree with Davies.

In the last little bit of this interview, Davies tells Gaines that men’s sports would never let this happen. She details several examples of potential cheating that have occurred in men’s sports that men put a stop to, but she never mentions that men’s sports actually don’t care if trans men compete. Just look at Patricio Manuel, a trans boxer who just won in his third professional match. Is anyone causing an uproar over this? No, because believe it or not trans people are not dominating in any sports. Do trans people win sometimes? Yes of course, but why shouldn’t they? Especially when the wins are so far and few in between.

Davies also addresses that equality in women’s sports still isn’t there. She mentions pay inequality, sports airtime, and that men are typically able to earn their living with sports. But, with all this being said, she doesn’t give any reason or examples of how this would benefit trans woman in any way. Trans women are competing in female categories as a women, so they’re facing the same exact inequalities Davies mentions. Davies and Gaines seem to believe that trans women transition solely to compete in women’s sports and that they’re misogynistic for doing so, despite also facing misogyny themselves.

Gaines continues to spread misinformation about trans women with this podcast, and it is so clear that neither of these women know anything about transitioning and what hormone therapy actually does. They continue to spout claims without providing any evidence, they make comparisons that don’t relate to the topic at hand, and neither one of them care about the women that are harmed with their egregious lies.

Prior to reaching out to Gaines, there had been some comments regarding Lia exposing herself in the locker rooms. There was even a written letter by Women’s Declaration International to Philadelphia authorities claiming that the other swimmers had to “accept this harassment and indecent exposure”. I wanted to hear firsthand what another swimmer had to say about this situation, so I reached out to Gaines via Instagram and asked if I could ask her a few questions regarding the event. Our email correspondence and her responses are below.

I want to examine each of her responses and discuss how her narrative has changed since this interview.

In our interview, Gaines says that she never felt uncomfortable around or because of Lia, and that it didn’t have anything to do with Lia specifically. Since this interview Gaines has spoken with numerous Conservative publications, primarily Fox News, about feeling “traumatized” and having experienced “extreme discomfort” with sharing a locker room with Lia. Gaines has also gone on to make the same claims that Lia “exposed his male genitalia” to the swimmers, insinuating that this was a form of sexual harassment. Why would Gaines initially start out answering these questions saying she never felt uncomfortable because of Lia? She even reiterates this later in our interview.

I understand it being a situation that is new to them, and because of that I am sure there will be some questions raised. However, as Gaines points out later, because this was an all women’s meet there were only women’s locker rooms available. So what exactly did she want Lia to do? I then asked Gaines if she knew about the written letter by Women’s Declaration International regarding the harassment claims.

Gaines admits to me that she doesn’t think Lia would intentionally put herself in a position that would make others uncomfortable, yet now she claims Lia sexually harassed her and the other swimmers by “dropping his pants” and “exposing male genitalia”.

In what initially seemed to be a nuanced approach on the subject has turned into personal attacks against Lia. As Gaines mentions, there were no other locker rooms for use, and she is even unaware if Lia was given another option. Lia, like Gaines, was possibly in a similar situation of not quite knowing what the NCAA had planned, especially when it came to the photo-op of giving Lia the trophy and mailing Gaines hers. Gaines instead focuses her advocacy now on defaming Lia rather than speaking solely about the NCAA. Gaines also mentions to me that this was an all women’s meet, however in this (0:10) interview she is claiming that it opened the opportunity for other males to walk into the locker room. How exactly, when this was an all women’s meet?

I then asked Gaines if she had experience sharing a locker room or bathroom with someone who was transgender prior to this.

Gaines mentions that she has changed in a family locker room because that was the only option, much like how Lia changed in the women’s locker room for the same exact reason. Locker rooms typically have showers with curtains or areas where you can go to so that you’re not right on top of one another. I know for me personally I have gone to concealed areas where I have changed. Did none of the swimmers ever mention how they felt to Lia directly, or ask her if she could possibly change in an area that was more closed off like a stall or shower? After all, Gaines admits that she doesn’t think Lia would intentionally make others uncomfortable which leads me to believe maybe she tried to conceal as much of herself as she could. So which is it?

Gaines reiterates to me that this isn’t a problem with Lia’s transition or her swimming career, but this recent interview and even pinned tweet tells a completely different story.

Gaines has made it her sole purpose to speak out against Lia competing at the NCAA and for trans women to complete in women’s sports. She even now claims Lia “stole the title”. How can she possibly say that this isn’t an issue with Lia’s transition or swimming career? Gaines has continued to refer to Lia as a “biological male” (19:30) and has even started to misgender her in several interviews and tweets like the one above. The last question I asked Gaines was about what she thinks could be done in the future regarding locker rooms and other shared spaces.

Gaines understands that not allowing trans women in the restrooms and locker rooms can be seen as a form of segregation and discrimination. From this interview I felt that Gaines was more frustrated by the situation and how NCAA handled things, which I can also understand. I understand what another person may feel if they were not told beforehand about sharing a locker room with a trans person or about the trophy situation. If the NCAA truly did give the trophy to Lia for a photo-op I would understand being a bit disgruntled by that, but my issue would be with the NCAA and not Lia. However, Gaines has now called for segregated spaces for trans women.

Lia has become a target for Gaines to attack at every possible opportunity when speaking out against trans women in sports. Gaines has made Lia, in the eyes of Conservatives, a sexual predator who wants to take away women’s opportunities in sports. Gaines did not have nearly as much air time, if any, when I sent her these interview questions. This leads me to believe that Gaines has been platformed, and most likely paid, to speak out against Lia while also damaging her reputation.

I would like to reiterate that I would understand the frustration if Gaines’ issues were solely with the NCAA. I would also feel a bit taken back if her comments regarding the NCAA giving Lia the trophy for a photo-op are true. It would make me have similar questions. My issue with Gaines is how she has spiraled and changed her narrative about Lia specifically. She has made Lia out to be a narcissist who didn’t care about the other swimmer’s feelings. Riley Gaines did not once come across to me in our interview that she had a problem with Lia, and I hope this shows just how much her story has changed in the past year. Gaines is damaging a trans woman’s reputation while simultaneously advocating for our rights to be taken away.

As I watched the opening sequence of Monica, New Order’s “Bizarre Love Triangle” playing while Monica lays in the tanning bed, I couldn’t help but notice the similarities to Euphoria’s Jule’s-centric episode of “Fuck Anyone Who’s Not A Sea Blob”. Both sequences focus on up-close shots of trans women while playing a “theme” that relates to their gender identity and experiences. You never really know the reason a certain track is chosen in a film until you’ve seen the rest of the film or episode, but watching this opening sequence as a trans woman it was so clear what it was trying to say. Monica can’t leave her old life behind because she ends up having to face her past (visiting her family who she hasn’t seen in years), and she’s waiting for that final moment her mother will recognize her because she doesn’t have it in her to tell her who she is.

“It’s no problem of mine but it’s a problem I find, leaving a life that I can’t leave behind”.

“Every time I see you falling, I get down on my knees and pray. I’m waiting for that final moment, you’ll say the words that I can’t say.”

“I feel fine and I feel good, I’m feeling like I never should. Whenever I get this way I just don’t know what to say. Why can’t we be ourselves like we were yesterday?”

When Monica gets a call from her sister-in-law saying that her mother, Eugenia, isn’t doing well and she should come see her, Monica is hesitant and rightly so. Monica explains later in the film that when she came out, her mother said “I can no longer be your mother” before dropping her off at a bus station. This is a reality for many LGBTQ people, and it is because of this that a lot of trans women turn to sex work. We see Monica giving an intimate massage to a man in her home early in the film, while he moans she appears checked out. Later we see her performing a webcam show. Both these scenes indicating what Monica has had to do to survive.

When Monica first arrives at home she meets with her sister-in-law and her children. Monica is briefly asked if she’s ever thought about being a mom and adopting, which she hesitantly replies “sometimes”. In many scenes throughout the film we see Monica holding her sister-in-law’s newborn, highlighting that Monica perhaps thinks about motherhood from time to time, and what that means to her. I can’t think of another time in film or television where I have seen a trans woman holding a baby and showing motherly affection toward it. The only film that comes to mind is Together Together starring Patti Harrison, who is trans, but is playing a cis woman in the film. These intimate scenes with Monica being around children and showing motherly affection toward them were so important and powerful, considering what is currently being said about LGTBQ and trans people. That we are groomers, pedophiles, and shouldn’t be around children. Even more, we shouldn’t get to experience motherhood.

Throughout the film Monica is seen reaching out to an ex-boyfriend, Jimmy. Monica tries reconnecting with him especially in times of distress. She calls him when Eugenia at first doesn’t recognize her, and again when she’s stood up on a date. Both times he doesn’t answer which allows Monica to reflect on what that relationship meant. Dating as a heterosexual trans woman is extremely difficult, and when we do find someone who accepts us it takes us a long time to let that relationship go even when we know we should. We fear we may not find love again because putting ourselves out there can be damaging for us mentally, and we may possibly come to physical harm. After Monica settles in at her childhood home, she decides to go out on a date only to be stood up. Monica calls her date and lets out her frustration. “I’m not your experiment!” she exclaims, and is upset with him that he asked intrusive questions about her body prior. Trans women, myself included, have been asked whether we still have “male parts”, if we’re “fully functional”, or if we’ve had any other surgeries. These questions are not only inappropriate but they also feel dehumanizing, as other parts of our lives never seem to matter.

While navigating her childhood home and taking care of Eugenia, Monica is shown opening up and playing with her niece and nephew. She plays tag with them in the woods, goes for a swim, and develops a close bond with her nephew Brodie, who her brother says reminds him of Monica. Monica is able to get to experience parts of her childhood again but this time as the woman she’s always been. When it comes to her nephew Brodie, she is able to see herself in him. A young, androgenous kid who likes to sing and is more attached to their mother. In a striking scene during this section we see Brodie and his sister upstairs hiding in one of the bedrooms. Brodie is pretending to give birth to a baby doll, and even though some may find the kid’s re-enactment to be funny and absurd, I couldn’t help but see myself in him. When I was a kid I used to pretend I was pregnant and act like I was giving birth when my stomach hurt. I have no clue why I did that, but seeing it connected with a story of trans identity, maybe that was just another thing I did to make me feel more connected to being a woman.

The highlights of the film come from Monica and Eugenia’s interactions with one another. Despite being thrown out at a young age, Monica puts aside Eugenia’s past faults to help her in her time of need. One scene in particular that I couldn’t help but hold back tears is when Monica hears Eugenia yelling “I want my mom” in distress. She’s on the floor having an episode and crying while Monica holds her and tells her everything will be okay. It’s a beautiful scene that shows Monica’s compassion and forgiveness. Monica wasn’t able to have Eugenia when she needed her, but she’s able to overcome that sense of grief to help her mother feel better.

While I was watching this film with my own mom, she kept wondering when the ball would drop and Monica would tell her mother who she is. This made me realize that people have been conditioned to associate a “coming out” with drama. Finding out someone is trans or gay as a reveal that creates an argument or a falling out. This never happens in Monica, and instead the film shows subtly that Eugenia knows who Monica is by the end of it. After being stood up on the date from earlier, Monica comes home and lays next to Eugenia in bed until the morning. We see that Eugenia is awake in the morning and thinking about what exactly this means. When Monica decides to leave the next morning, we get a sense that Eugenia doesn’t understand why she’s leaving and seems upset. Eventually Monica decides to come back as she knows her mother needs help. It isn’t until a scene where Monica is helping bathe Eugenia where there is finally a recognition of who Monica is. Eugenia places her hands on Monica’s face, pulls her close, and kisses her on the forehead. Lastly when the family gets together on Mother’s Day, they all gather for a family photo while Eugenia places her hand atop Monica’s.

This film resonated deeply with me as I lost my step-father to brain cancer last year. As I wrote in my previous article, toward the end it was difficult to tell if he knew who anyone was. This film brings up the question of “What if my parent will only remember who I was before?” After all I have only spent 8 years of my life transitioning, so if my own mother were to perhaps get dementia it would be heartbreaking for her to not even remember that I transitioned. This film displays the humanity of trans people’s existence, and I am so thankful for it.

In the final scene of the film, Monica’s nephew Brodie sings “The Star-Spangled Banner” at school. While the camera focuses on Monica, and Brodie sings the final words “O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave”, I remembered how terrifying it is to be trans right now. Trans people are being the targets of legislation that seek to make our lives impossible to live freely. In spite of this, we hold our heads up high in the hopes that people will one day see us as people. People who have had to deal with losing our families for being ourselves, people who have had to fight for our survival, people who want loving relationships, people who just want to live our lives in peace, and people who are brave despite others telling us we shouldn’t exist.

Stories about returning home are fairly common in film, however the majority of these stories deal with familiar archetypes and characters that don’t fall outside the norm. People return home due to financial difficulties or loved ones passing away. These types of experiences are so frequent that for most people they can feel commonplace. However, there can be a much deeper layer to them when examining them from a transgender perspective. In Monica’s case coming home means returning to a place where she was once rejected, and re-entering this home authentically in spite of rejection.

At the time Monica returns home to Ohio her mother is suffering from a brain tumor. Her condition, and the fact that Monica transitioned after becoming estranged, tragically, leaves her mother unable to recognize her. This sets up a very familiar scenario for someone who is trans to experience, which inspired director Andrea Pallaoro after learning of his friend’s experience that in many ways mirrors Monica’s.

Someone suffering from a brain tumor, (or other medical problems that can lead to memory loss like dementia) can be deeply scarring for those being forgotten. When my step-father passed away last year (due to brain cancer as well), it was difficult to express how I felt. I was filled with grief and regret, as I wished he could have known me longer as who I am now, and not who I was as a child. While he was going through treatment and eventually end of life care for his cancer, I’m not sure how lucid he was at any given time. Even though there was so much that I wanted him to understand about me, beneath the surface there was a familiarity between us. When Monica massages her mother’s shoulders or helps her apply lipstick, I wonder if that familiarity will be recognized between them as well.

28% LGBTQ youth face homelessness and housing instability, mostly because of mistreatment or fear of mistreatment because of their identities. Parents either kick their children out or they run away before matters potentially get worse. Monica uses this very common occurrence to illustrate a story where, fittingly, the parent who casts their child out is now desperately in need of their help. I thought the story including that she’s empathetic to her mother’s suffering shows that family breakdowns based on politics or belief can often be overcome once the true humanity of the situation becomes evident.

So much hate has been targeted at the transgender community with this hate continuing to grow across the country. Trans people’s existence is being threatened with laws being proposed, (and in many cases passed) to take away autonomy over our own bodies, our right to use public restrooms, and even our ability to use public spaces. All we’ve been asking for is freedom, bodily-autonomy, and some god-damned empathy. We are people, and even despite the hate that is thrown at us we try our hardest to be as kind and compassionate toward everyone else. In a world that is trying to eradicate us we try to remain empathetic to everyone else’s struggles, even when it’s not reciprocated.

Empathy and solidarity is what the transgender community needs right now. We need stories like Monica that show we are humans who have to deal with the same struggles everyone else faces, on top of being trans. We’re all just trying to get by, and that means sometimes dealing with fucked up familial drama. We need these stories showing how these experiences have a profound effect on us. Our lives are not easy, and they’re getting harder for many trans people. Please go and see Monica. If you’re trans, cis, an ally, or a mother, take some time to experience what I think will be an incredibly poignant film starring an extremely talented woman. I’m looking forward to watching it with my mom this Mother’s Day.

I wanted to share my thoughts on whether purchasing and playing this game promotes transphobia, what the developers have done and could do better to show solidarity for trans people, the online discourse surrounding the game, and lastly my brief review of what I have played so far. Put your thinking hats on and let’s sort this out.

Growing up my family loved Harry Potter. My mother and step-father would take my brother and I to all of the newest films and they would read each new book as it came out. I remember my mother being so upset when Dumbledore and Snape died and never really getting it. I never had the same interest in the series that they did but I was grateful that my parents weren’t like my neighbors and didn’t believe that reading about witchcraft was sinful. It was a series that was fun to watch but it never held any real significance to me. The only time it interested me was when my brother and I would play some of the games that came out based on the films. Those and of course the original PlayStation game, can’t forget about that low-poly Hagrid.

I can’t imagine how soul crushing it is for trans people for whom this series resonated with more deeply. I think about how I would feel if I knew that my favorite author or artists were to suddenly start spreading hate that dehumanized my entire existence. It saddens me that a series so many people my age have grown up to love now has become such a trigger for my community, especially during a time when our rights are consistently being targeted.

It is understandable why people are angry, I am equally angry. Dave Chappelle just won a Grammy for his Netflix special The Closer, which was abhorrently transphobic, and J.K Rowling has enabled right-wing fascists like Matt Walsh to focus right wing hatred towards anyone different than them. A time when gender affirming care is being restricted for all trans people, while we are simultaneously being called groomers, evil, and demonic. The transgender community is hurting, and every day the world seems a little more bleak than the day before. Outrage is inevitable, but what happens when that outrage is misdirected?

The day before Hogwarts Legacy was released it was revealed that someone had created a website where Twitch names could be searched in the hopes of seeing who had streamed the game. It didn’t take long after the site was up for people to jump into twitch streamers chats and begin expressing their disappointment over the game being played. The site has since been removed by its creator but it says a lot about the anger that people hold toward this game and J.K Rowling.

Another piece of information that was revealed before the game’s launch was that it featured the first trans character in the Wizarding World, a trans woman named Sirona Ryan. She is a barkeep and the player meets her fairly early on in their journey. Many people on Twitter, including some prominent trans figures and allies, took to making derogatory comments about her name and voice. They also began spreading misinformation about the character, such as people in the game would refer to her as “sir”, and that Rowling had some involvement in the name making process. None of which is true since Rowling had no involvement with the game.

Why is it acceptable for other trans people and our supposed allies to purposefully not only misgender a trans character but also make fun of her voice because it happens to be a bit deeper? What makes this behavior okay when it is coming from people who are actively discriminated against for the same exact reasons? It’s okay to not like a character in a work of fiction, but the comments are also directly hurting the voice talent who gave the character life, which happens to be a trans woman.

As if these comments weren’t bad enough, people then began noxiously spreading spoilers about the game’s ending. People like Alejandra Caraballo, (who is otherwise very well written and articulate in her discussions involving anti-trans legislation) has even been guilty of doing this. The end goal here being to take away any enjoyment while playing the game. It comes off a bit vindictive and misguided when people are trying to take their minds off the current state of the world for a little bit and being engrossed in a world that once gave them comfort.

I have played the game for roughly ten hours now and I wanted to discuss a few aspects of it that I believe the developers have done well despite this backlash. I promise not to discuss any major spoilers related to the story without a warning.

When the player meets Sirona Ryan she defends the main character from these two male antagonists. After this quest many students, including the main character, often bring up how they commend Sirona for her bravery during this event. Perhaps I am giving too much credit to the writers but I wonder if this usage of “bravery” when referencing a trans character was intentional. After all trans people are typically told how brave we are for having to navigate the world as our true selves. Maybe the characters are just valuing that she stood up for herself who knows.

When a YouTube video of the character first came out I was a bit skeptical. I was unsure if she was voiced by a trans woman and went on a deep dive to find her voice actor. After listening to other videos of Rebecca Root and the fact she is the only trans person listed in the voice over credits, it was pretty clear. I also reached out to her and received confirmation.

I got the sense from Rebecca that some of the online discourse has gotten to her, hence why she didn’t want to speak further about her involvement in the game. I had hoped to ask her how the company treated her and what brought her to want to get involved with this world despite it being created by Rowling. It seems she is aware of the controversary going on and it makes me sad to think that maybe she has seen some of the comments from people who have ridiculed her voice or were angry at her involvement in the first place.

Had Avalanche not had a trans woman voice this character I would have had my reservations, as we know cis men are often given more opportunities to play trans women in film and television than their transgender counterparts. I appreciate Avalanche for giving Rebecca Root the role as she certainly seems like a lovely woman. However, even with Sirona’s dialogue and now being confirmed to be voiced by a trans woman, people are still skeptical about her character. Some people are even wondering if Sirona Ryan is even trans at all.

This article makes the argument that her single line of dialogue isn’t explicit enough. There is another LGBTQ character in the game that does explicitly refer to being gay but regarding Sirona it can be a bit vague. To some extent, I agree. Avalanche has not come out and confirmed if Sirona Ryan is trans. When they were asked about her development and background in the game they stated:

Avalanche avoided most questions about Sirona, and simply stated that they were excited for the launch and for players to discover on their own the multitude of LGBTQ characters. I am on the fence about their statements as I believe that if they had come out and explicitly said she is trans they would be accused of pandering. On the other hand, knowing the controversy surrounding the game and J.K Rowling’s transphobic comments, perhaps Avalanche should have taken more a direct stand so that players would feel more welcome and supported.

I would also like to point out, in response to the article linked above, that a YouTube video of Sirona’s remaining dialogue and quest has been uploaded, and I wanted to discuss her remaining lines below. Beware of spoilers.

*SPOILER WARNING*

“A Friend in Deed”

In this quest Sirona asks the player to find some letters for her that she and a childhood friend would write one another. During the quest the player finds letters written to Sirona from students, one of which is named Mirabel. Some of the the contents of the letter are below:

I do feel as if this letter heavily implies that Sirona’s bravery in being a witch and not a wizard, helped a younger trans witch student walk the same path. We find out later in the quest that these letters were actually sent by the herbologist professor when she was younger. In the final bits of dialogue from Sirona she says:

During this time of anti-trans legislation targeting primarily trans youth, I find this dialogue to be remarkably poignant. Even if it isn’t explicitly talking about trans people and the possibility that Sirona gave Mirabel courage to transition, the lines are still equally valuable and important.

EDIT: It has since been confirmed that Mirabel is actually gay, as she is described as such in the Hogwarts Legacy artbook.

*END SPOILERS*

With all of this being said; no, this isn’t explicitly saying the character is trans. But does the game really need to? I understand wanting the developers to say one way or the other during this time, but as I said I don’t believe it would make it much of a difference to those critiquing the game’s ethics. It’s possible people would say Avalanche is experiencing the “Rowling effect” and retcon-ing a character’s identity, much like Dumbledore despite there being significant differences. Would the author of the article above also not think the character of Wekatta in Horizon: Forbidden West is trans either, as the only line of dialogue that hints towards this is “When I chose to wear a woman’s armor, people called me crazy too.” (She is also voiced by Rebecca Root by the way)

While J.K Rowling has her dehumanizing views on the trans community, this game does not in any way reflect those views. I believe there is an argument to be made that those who play this game who may be unaware of her opinions, (because let’s be honest the general public may not keep up with “the discourse”) are likely going to walk away from the experience better for it. The story is well written, the characters are diverse, and there seems to be a good amount of love and hard work that was put into it.

Taking in everything so far let’s discuss whether buying and playing Hogwarts Legacy promotes transphobia and directly harms the trans community. The main argument that people have been using in favor of it harming trans people is that J.K Rowling financially benefits from royalties off of the Wizarding World. In turn she would then use those royalties to fund organizations that are anti-trans. I first wanted to take a look at the charities that Rowling has and currently donates to and go from there. Below are some of the known organizations J.K Rowling has donated to.

• Lumos

• Book Aid International

• Children with AIDS

• Haven Foundation

• Women’s Fund for Scotland

• Multiple Sclerosis Society

• PEN International

From what I could find, none of these organizations would necessarily effect trans people. In December of 2022 however, it was announced that J.K Rowling along with five other women would be launching a new sexual violence support service for women in Scotland. The catch being that these services would not be provided to trans women. A spokesperson for Beira’s Place said,

Obviously this is absolutely horrendous, so much so that Rape Crisis Scotland told the BBC that all sexual violence centers should be readily available to trans and non-conforming people, and have been so for over 15 years. Any money Rowling puts into this center actively discriminates and does in fact harm trans people, but the other charities that she’s contributed a large portion of her wealth to, don’t. Is it really fair to say that the money someone has spent on Hogwarts Legacy is directly going to organizations like this? Couldn’t it also be going literally anywhere else?

The point being we simply don’t know the majority of the time where our money is directly going, so this whole idea of funding transphobia isn’t really backed by much evidence. Regardless if this boycott had worked Rowling would still be in the same position financially to fund any future anti-trans organizations. I also want to point out there that has not been any evidence that J.K Rowling gets paid per sale, but rather it’s possible she had an agreement with WB where she received a lump sum up front. As of right now we just don’t know. But since the argument has been that each copy bought of this game promotes transphobia, it’s just a bit difficult for me to get behind.

Couldn’t this same argument about funding also be used regarding actively using Twitter? Now that Elon Musk owns the platform and has made several anti-trans comments in addition to allowing stochastic terrorists like Libs of TikTok remain on the platform, isn’t everyone who still uses Twitter propping up someone who is actively harming the trans community? People don’t need to be paying for the social platform to promote transphobia as their usage of the platform continues to increase engagement, and thus keeps it alive. Everyone uses it for their own reasons, and a lot of trans people (myself included) remain on the platform to continue to spread awareness and to share current anti-trans legislation. But if purchasing Hogwarts Legacy promotes transphobia doesn’t this too? Even if it is just a means to an end.

Transphobia comes in all shapes and sizes and if I am being honest I have seen more of it from the online discourse surrounding this game than the game itself. I have been told that my opinions don’t matter because I pay for Twitter, despite the reason being that I do it in the hopes that my outreach will be greater. I’ve also been told I am actively fighting against my community even though I have done nothing but use my platforms for the past 8 years to spread awareness to trans issues. Lastly I have been called a Nazi sympathizer for pointing out that it’s hypocritical to be angry at those purchasing Hogwarts Legacy despite many people unknowingly spending their money at other corporations who have in fact donated funds to the GOP. I suppose my biggest question at the end of all this is where do we draw the line? Is it at that cup of Starbucks coffee? People’s use of Amazon out of occasional convenience? Is it Hogwarts Legacy? I’m really not sure anymore.

Turning 30 as a trans woman comes with a lot of rational fears about the future. Will my body age like a males? Will my hair growth after all these years be for nothing if something ends up making me lose hair again? Will my breasts ever get bigger or am I stuck with these A, sometimes B on a good day, cups? Will trans people younger than me have it easier than I did, or is history going to repeat itself? I don’t have the answers to any of these questions and that terrifies me. It is scary to think that the progress that has been made could eventually fade away.

Something that is not often talked about regarding aging and trans people is the regret and sadness from those who start their transition a little bit later in life. I began my transition at 22, only 8 years ago now. I have only been living as Kristina for 8 years. It’s only been 8 years and already I’m 30. It feels like I’m the reverse Benjamin Button. There are many parts of my life before 22 that felt hazy and dreamlike. When I think back it feels like I often wasn’t there, or I was but I was distant and constantly distracted. I didn’t get to experience what most people my age did when I was younger. I didn’t have a high school sweetheart that I was madly in love with, I didn’t go to my senior prom or have senior photos taken, I didn’t apply for colleges or try harder because I didn’t want my successes to be attributed to my former self. Every day just felt the same and there was no breath of life in my life.

I have felt more alive in these past 8 years than I ever did in those 22, but I still can’t help but feel remorse for a lot of that time that felt wasted. My mid and late 20’s were used to experience much of what I missed. From experiencing sex for the first time with someone I loved, to going back to school, to making lasting friends, and finally finding an outlet for my creativity. I am thankful that I was able to begin this journey when I did, as I know there are plenty of trans people who don’t have the opportunity to until much later, or at all.

As I was making memories and experiencing these things for the first time, I was also missing out on establishing closer connections with those who were already in my life. My step-father passed away New Years Day last year and I often think how I would have liked to talk more with him as Kristina. He had been in my life for over 15 years and it saddens me that we didn’t get to establish a father/daughter bond. Aging while being trans is complicated. Even though I am getting to live essentially what is a new life, everyone else around me is still also getting older and it’s difficult for me to grasp. I don’t feel 30, I still feel like I am in my early 20’s and part of me expects everyone I love to be put on pause.

Trans people often have to navigate this world without any help, before we know it we’re thrown in and we can’t get those previous years back. It’s funny, when I was younger I felt older and now that I’m older I feel younger. The only part of my transition that I regret is not identifying and understanding it sooner, so I could have started living my life earlier. It makes me furious that younger trans people are facing legislation against them that would prevent that from happening. It could avoid so much heartache.

Now that I’m 30 I also have been thinking about how I would navigate the dating scene if my partner and I were to ever separate. Dating is already impossibly difficult and throwing in being 30 and trans into the mix is just a recipe for loneliness. I’ve only ever been in three relationships in my life so the chances of another one feels pretty slim. What will make it even harder is the current conversations regarding trans people from far-right extremists. How we can expect to find love when people are calling us degenerate, and doing everything they possibly can to make us come across as wicked.

When I was younger I was much heavier than I am today. A lot of my distress was taken out on food. Over time I got to a point of being almost 300 lbs. I knew I needed to make changes and thankfully hormones helped greatly with losing weight. I fear that weight may come back and I fear that I will resort back to how I looked pre-transition with that extra weight. I place restrictions on myself today because it’s always felt like dieting and exercising has been so much more difficult being trans. I’ve always felt like I have had to try harder than all the other women around me. I feel like now that I have reached 30 I’ll have to try even harder and I’m tired.

Getting older frightens me, but I know I am in a better place now than I ever have been. I don’t want this post to come off as a worry about the future or aging, these are just some of the thoughts I have about it and I wanted to share. As I mentioned before this is something that is not often talked about when we see trans stories. These are genuine concerns of our reality and I think it’s important they be highlighted. Whatever may come I will take it in stride. Here’s to another 30 and more.

The Problem with Jon Stewart

Arkansas was the first state in the U.S. to ban gender-affirming care (GAC) for transgender youth in 2021, and currently a trial is underway by families of trans youth and two medical professionals to strike down the law. Arkansas is not the only state to make bans on gender-affirming care, however, other states have issued their own set of proposed legislation to also limit GAC for not only trans youth, but also trans adults as well. In The Problem with Jon Stewart episode “The War Over Gender” he takes aim at these bills with the help of ACLU attorney Chase Strangio, but his main focus is interviewing the Attorney General of Arkansas, Leslie Rutledge.

Stewart does a brilliant job holding his own against AG Rutledge by bringing up the false claims that are made regarding trans youth that “desist their transgender identity.” Even after five years of social transitioning, 94% of youth still identify as being transgender according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. This study even points out that there is not enough data on the rate at which transgender youth “desist” or retransition to their previous identity. This is immediately contradictory to the 2% that Rutledge blurts out (seemingly with no sources what-so-ever), and Stewart shuts her down by pointing out virtually all studies disprove that imaginary statistic.

For most of the interview Stewart continues to point out the hypocrisies in Rutledge’s argument. A glaring example is the idea that children and their parents would benefit from a second opinion. This is of course absurd on its face because she was part of making it illegal to even receive the “first opinion” which is the universal standard of care (agreed upon by major American medical organizations.) Parents and children are then forced to seek a second opinion out of necessity.

All that’s needed is to look at Rutledge’s Save Adolescents from Experimentation Act (SAFE from what exactly?) to see how hypocritical and destructive her prescriptive perspective can be:

What Rutledge means is that she wants children to have another opinion which she thinks is the correct one. An opinion that she wants to forcibly put onto others despite her not being a medical professional, a parent of a trans child, or trans herself. An opinion that she holds due to the misinformation that she’s been wading and wallowing in regarding transgender youth “desisting” transition. Much of this misinformation was provided by a medical panel during the hearings for the SAFE bill, consisting of dubious “medical professionals” who had a hateful bias towards transgender people, and had no understanding of what gender dysphoria even is.

The authenticity of Rutledge’s “medical experts” could have been cut down easily had Stewart simply brought up their credentials. For instance, Dr Patrick Lappert’s medical prowess is based upon him running a Botox clinic in a strip mall and does not currently have a medical license. Also Dr Paul Hruz, another doctor who has never diagnosed a single patient with gender dysphoria, also claimed that “Some [transgender] children are born in this world to suffer and die”. Like what the actual fuck?

Stewart could have also emphasized what these laws would do to actual medical professionals, which in Alabama’s case is sentencing them up to 10 years in prison.

Finally I wanted to address Stewart’s apology from the beginning of the episode. Stewart apologizes for past comments he made about transgender people back when he hosted The Daily Show, saying that he had made “shitty reductive jokes”. Despite this apology for making crude jokes at trans people’s expense, Stewart doesn’t bring up his defense of Dave Chapelle a year earlier regarding Chappelle’s Netflix special The Closer.

The 2021 comedy special (which I wrote extensively about here) includes jokes about trans women using urinals, not having the ability to give birth, jabs at their appearances, and most notably includes Chapelle saying he was “Team TERF” (Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist). All to which Stewart replied,

Now, I’m not saying that I think Stewart should have specifically called out Chappelle for his statements, but I do want to understand how Stewart (who showed he can be incredibly compassionate toward trans youth), could defend someone who clearly lacks any empathy at all when it comes to the struggles that the trans community faces. Stewart insists that if it was his child in a situation like the one AG Rutledge is forcing children into, that he would “swim across rivers” and “climb mountains” to save his child’s life. I just wanted to know that he would also do the same if transphobic comedians were continuously punching down on someone he loved.

Last Week Tonight With John Oliver

Prior to John Oliver’s October 16th episode, trans issues have been spoken about mostly in passing. Both Oliver’s and Stewart’s episodes main segments were about gender affirming care, but Oliver recently even pointed out the heinous Alabama bill in his May 15th episode. Oliver had a lot to say about the Alabama law and Alabama’s governor Kay Ivey.

This is the type of behavior I wanted to see from Stewart, because yes, what the actual fuck is wrong with these people? They are forcing medical professionals to completely disregard the very reason as to why they exist and to abandon their code of ethics. Arkansas may not have made it a felony, yet, but these doctors are at risk of having their medical licenses revoked.

Oliver also made trans rights a main segment on his June 28, 2015 episode, where he details the massive strides towards acceptance the trans community has made. He called out the inappropriateness of talk show hosts interviewing their trans guests about their surgeries and genitalia and the ridiculousness of bathroom bans. Oliver ends the segment by saying “This is a civil rights issue.” You’re absolutely right John, so why isn’t the mainstream left media doing more to combat this 7 years later?

In Oliver’s most recent segment he throws a lot of information out about what’s been happening recently. He mentions the increase in anti-trans bills being proposed, the threats to children’s hospitals, campaign ads against trans athletes, the rumors of litter boxes in schools, and the misinformation surrounding gender affirming care. It’s a lot of information to take in, and I can’t help but wonder why more left leaning media news sources haven’t spoken about these issues sooner.

Pointedly, Oliver seems to answer the question himself in his segment:

I believe Oliver and Stewart to be part of those that are reluctant. After all, Oliver’s last main segment on this civil rights issue was 7 years ago, while the target on trans people’s backs have been getting bigger by each passing day. This isn’t to say that I expect Oliver and Stewart to be the spokespeople for trans issues, or for trans issues to be discussed as frequently. However, when political pundits on the far right are comparing the LGBTQ community to a cancer, people have to start doing something.

From Tucker Carlson to Joe Rogan, two prominent media figures with millions of people listening, trans people have been talked about in the most disingenuous ways. Trans athletes, trans kids, and the livelihoods of trans people in general have had over 86 segments air on Fox News since March of this year and it has only grown since. Oliver is right when saying “It’s not actually the left talking about trans rights non-stop, it’s Republicans. To ignore them doing that is to allow them to have real, calamitous impacts on people’s lives.” My question again being why hasn’t the left done more, and once we stop ignoring the right’s obsession with trans issues; what’s the plan to correct the indoctrination that their audiences have been overdosing on for years?

If the comments made on shows like Tucker Carlson, The Joe Rogan Experience, and The Matt Walsh Show aren’t bad enough, what about the real world consequences these types of comments have, such as at this Conway, Arkansas open forum on whether trans kids should use the restroom associated with their gender identity. One speaker who was spoke against LGBT people had this to say:

When these types of comments toward transgender people continue to be allowed and broadcasted without prominent people on the left defending us, it leads to even more extreme bills being proposed against us. Just take this recently proposed bill by House Republicans, which states that any mention of gender identity or gender dysphoria is classified as “sexually-oriented material” when it comes to federal funding. A bill they’re calling the “Stop Sexualization of Children Act”.

These types of bills are only pushing the “trans people are pedophiles” narrative further and further, which has lead to assaults on drag queens and children’s hospitals being threatened. All of which could have been preventable had more people on the left actually spoken up and did something about this earlier. Instead, it’s feeling more and more like a civil war would need to break out before anyone on the left actually begins to realize the consequences of not more actively defending the LGBTQ community.

Though I appreciate Oliver and Stewart addressing some of these issues, they still seem apprehensive to bring up the end result of these attacks. We all know Conservatives do not care about children or their healthcare. (unless they’re still in the womb apparently), if they did they wouldn’t listen to the supposed “experts” that AG Rutledge had on her panel. Children are just the first step at eliminating trans healthcare altogether. The result of that obviously being to reduce the number of trans people living their lives freely. Put more bluntly, Genocide.

Alabama’s law is the first example of this. The law states that those who are 19 years of age and younger cannot receive gender affirming care, however, the state’s legal age for minor’s consenting to other medical treatments is 14. We can also look at this recent public complaint from Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida regarding try to ban drag performances. In his complaint he references a 1947 ruling that stated “men impersonating women in a suggestive fashion” is a nuisance. If this ruling could potentially be used to ban drag performers, who’s to say it also wouldn’t be used to ban trans people from also presenting as their gender identity. This is just a repeat of the cross-dressing laws that once existed in San Francisco and many other cities. Lastly, we also have Florida no longer offering gender affirmation care to those who are on Medicaid.

This is only going to continue. These stories are becoming more frequent by the day, and unfortunately many left media news sources are not addressing this. It feels like most of the work to get this information out to the masses is being done by individual trans people and their allies. Trans people are being targeted and sitting idly by is going to put the trans community in more danger. I expect better from people in positions of authority who claim to be allies of trans people. Fight back against the 86 anti-trans news segments and show solidarity with trans people before it’s too late.

New York City, 2015

I had the opportunity to work with Monica Prata, a feminization coach based in New York City who helps trans women with their transitions. She runs a company called Nouveau She, and her work was set to be the focus of a television show that ultimately never aired. I was interviewed to be part of the pitch, and after being selected, I was flown to New York to begin filming.

The first night consisted of a dinner with Monica where we discussed mannerisms. One of the key takeaways was being told that to appear more feminine, women should not lean their backs against chairs or barstools while dining. Instead, we should sit up straight. Maybe that was simply about posture and had nothing to do with femininity, but it felt odd to me. It felt like something I had to “master” before others would see me as a woman.

We also went over table manners at dinner. No, this was not finishing school, but I could not help noticing the similarity. These were social graces I had no real issue with beforehand, so I was not entirely sure why they were part of the process. What struck me even more was that cameras were not rolling at all that night. It was just a casual meet and greet before filming the next day.

The following morning, I received a message from the producer asking me to arrive dressed more masculine, so that the hair, makeup, and wardrobe transformation would read as more dramatic on camera. Those were not his exact words, but I remember feeling unsettled. It meant not wearing my wig and presenting more like my former self, which brought on some dysphoria. I understood the reasoning, but it was hard not to feel like my emotions had not been factored in.

They had me re-shave so there would be no stubble on my face before applying makeup, and they took my wig to freshen and style it. I sat with Monica while she worked on my makeup and asked me questions about my relationship and my transition. Once the makeup was finished, we went shopping, and Monica did a short interview while I waited off to the side. Questions specific to the transgender experience were being directed at her rather than at me, the only trans woman in the room.

I left New York the following afternoon after some photos and lunch with Monica. At the time, I left feeling good about the experience. It felt like the first time my trans identity was being acknowledged as something that could help others. Looking back, though, I can see how much that trip shaped the way I think about passing today and why it is no longer something I am working toward.

I have not spoken much with Monica since then, but from what I can see on her website, she has shifted from feminization coach to gender expression specialist. It also looks like the nature of her work with trans people has evolved. Her site now states that her goal is not to create a caricature of gender, but to help illuminate who someone truly is. Monica is a lovely person and I hold no ill feelings toward her. I just think the experience could have involved me more in decisions about how my identity was being portrayed. Perhaps, like me, she has come to understand that hyper-femininity is not the only way to be.

My Conversation with a Trans YouTuber

In the years since that experience, I have gradually moved further from hyper-femininity. I am not entirely sure whether that is because I am older and less concerned with how others perceive me, or whether my sense of gender has simply evolved to a place where being hyper-feminine no longer resonates. Either way, passing has become less and less a part of how I move through the world, and I have come to believe that forcing people into a box does more harm than good.

I recently had a conversation with a YouTuber named Rose Mulet, and throughout our conversation she mentioned multiple times that I pass really well. Rose also identifies as a trans woman, and I could not help feeling that she of all people might understand why telling someone they pass well is not necessarily a compliment. It landed the same way it does when someone tells me I am beautiful for a trans woman. It reads as backhanded, because passing as cisgender is not a goal I am chasing.

Rose, on the other hand, sees passing as a priority, and she had a hard time understanding that I have reached a place where I do not think about it daily. Whether or not someone can tell I am trans simply does not concern me the way it once did. It often feels like people place being cis on a pedestal, as if that is the destination and that finding genuine happiness as anything else is not really possible. Rose feels that way. Her goal is to be seen as cis, even though that is a goal that cannot fully be reached, and she seemed unable to understand how someone could simply be at peace with themselves and the journey they have been on.

She also did not understand how I had, over time, become more comfortable with a part of my body that many trans women feel significant dysphoria around. She even questioned my trans identity because I have stopped fixating on what is in my pants and started focusing on being comfortable in the skin I am in. One way I have worked toward that is by embracing my body rather than hiding it. That seemed to completely baffle her, and it made me realize that even though we have both been transitioning for the same length of time, we are on entirely different paths.

Rose is far from the only person to tell me how well I pass over the years. This particular “compliment” comes from all kinds of people: family, friends, coworkers. It seems like most people are simply unaware that passing is not every trans person’s goal, especially someone who has been on this journey as long as I have.

Passing Privilege and Safety

Wanting to pass is not always a bad thing. People early in their transitions often feel the need to pass for safety reasons and to be treated with basic respect. One of the first pieces of advice my therapist gave me was to experiment with makeup and observe how people’s interactions with me shifted. If I wanted to be seen as a woman, small daily changes would help, and early in my transition, that guidance made a real difference. When it came to navigating women’s spaces like restrooms, passing also helped me avoid confrontation and potential harm.

I recognize that passing is a privilege. Over my eight years of transitioning, I have had only one negative experience involving a women’s restroom. It happened in 2017 while I was working in a factory. Some of my coworkers, most of them older women, raised concerns about me to the safety manager without ever speaking to me directly. When I found out, I confronted the safety manager myself. I told her I did not appreciate being kept in the dark, and that if people had a problem with my presence and I was not informed, that actually put me at greater risk.

It was also the first time I realized that even passing was not a guarantee of acceptance. These coworkers had worked alongside me for nearly a year. They had met my fiancé. They had been friendly to my face, yet quietly took issue with me using the restroom to fix my makeup or put on my hairnet, while having no issue with the safety manager, who is a lesbian, using the same space. The logic did not hold up. Passing had not protected me.

Naturally Trans

I began using the hashtag #NaturallyTrans as I started to grow more accepting of the body I am in. After realizing that passing would not shield me from other people’s biases, I began leaning into my transition as a natural, ongoing process rather than a performance. I stopped stressing over a little morning stubble. I stopped wearing makeup every single day. I stopped wearing wigs. I have not looked into surgery because, right now, I know there are more important things to focus on.

I am not concerned with looking cisgender. I am concerned with cisgender people learning to accept trans people as we are, without the expectation that we must blend in to deserve that acceptance. All trans people, just like all cis people, look different from one another, and it is time that becomes something people genuinely understand and embrace.

If passing is someone’s primary goal, I do not hold that against them. What I do take issue with is when passing gets used as a measuring stick to invalidate other trans people’s experiences. I hope this piece sheds some light on why I have come to feel the way I do, and that one day we can celebrate trans people at every stage of their journey, without expecting any of us to shrink ourselves down just to make others more comfortable.

Claim 1: Money was being thrown at the drag queens, simulating a strip show

If anyone has seen any of the video footage of this event, this would be easily debunkable. None of the kids in any of the footage that was provided are shown to be throwing money at any of the drag queens, or as some have even suggested, being placed in the drag queens outfits/thong/etc. Instead, they are handing the money to the drag queens, as shown in the screens below.

Maybe you’re thinking “what’s the difference?”, well the main difference is the framing. It was said that children were throwing money at them to make it sound more sexual and scary, when in reality these photos are innocent. The comparison should be closer to that of handing money to a street performer than anything. They’re tipping for a performance, none of which was sexual, which leads us to Claim 2.

Claim 2: The drag queens were dancing sexually, such as twerking

Alex Stein has made this claim multiple times, recently on this debate panel. Again, Alex Stein took some of this video footage, so it is really funny that his claims just don’t match with what the videos show. He even mentions at one point that the drag queens were grinding and twerking in the kid’s faces, which never happens. Instead, most of the focus on this so-called sexual dancing has been because of a split that one of the drag queens performs.

I have said this many times, but I think it needs to be reiterated, a split is not inherently sexual. Perhaps Alex Stein is confused as to what twerking means, but this definitely isn’t it. If anyone thinks that doing the splits is a sexual dance move, it really makes me question what other innocent type of behavior they find to be sexual.

Claim 3: The drag queens were on a stage, also simulating a strip show

This one is pretty easy to disprove, just look at the photos above. There was no stage at this event.

Claim 4: The drag queens were dressed provocatively and in thongs

None of the drag queens at this event were dressed in thongs, and all of them had more coverage than what a child would see at the beach or even in some cartoons. When I first saw the images of the drag queens my mind instantly went to The Powerpuff Girls. Maybe I am showing my age some with that. For reference, take a look at some of the villains of the show, “Seduca” and “HIM”.

Point being, there are a ton of cartoons that kid’s watch that show characters in outfits very similar to what these drag queens were wearing. I don’t think there is anything harmful about this. I think if we really look back on what was and even still is shown in cartoons, we’d realize this stuff isn’t as bad as people are claiming that it is.

These were just a few of the claims that Alex Stein was making about the event that are provably false or shown in a disingenuous light. The only issue I had with this particular event was the neon sign that read “It’s Not Gonna Lick Itself”, I personally think the bar should have covered the sign prior to the show. Granted, I don’t think the kids would understand the innuendo, and similarly to the outfits, cartoons have also always been adding innuendos that only parents would understand.

I also think that despite the sign being there, people such as Alex Stein would still be protesting this event and being dishonest about it. It bothers me that more people seemed to have been talking about the event itself in a negative way rather than the aftermath of the event, such as Alex Stein and others intimidating the drag queens and even the parents as they were leaving. One of the children that was in attendance even had to cover his ears because protestors were yelling at his mother. This type of behavior is far more unacceptable and terrifying than what was happening at the event, which was a round of musical chairs and posing.

I also wanted to point out that me defending this particular event is in no way defending or advocating that children should be going to adult drag shows, as there is a difference and people don’t seem to understand that. There are drag shows that are specifically for adults which is the majority of them, then there are these family-friendly events that are held on occasion. These family-friendly events are just that and I have absolutely no problem with kids going to a drag show as long as the show is altered for them.

This type of framing that Alex Stein and many conservatives are doing however, is pushing the narrative that children are being groomed. This is now leading to states such as Texas and Florida wanting to issue bans from kids attending these family-friendly events, and even going as far as to making it a felony for the parents. There have also been an uptick in drag events being harassed, most recently in California at a Drag Queen Story Hour. This is not okay, but instead of people taking the time to rationalize these events, they are instead creating more fear. People like Alex Stein should be ashamed of themselves for continuing to spread this false idea of drag as being inherently sexual, especially when his own footage proves otherwise.

Joke 1:

The first joke Maher makes is about the rising LGBTQ population. He shows a Gallup graph illustrating how many people in each generation identify as LGBTQ, with Generation Z coming in at 20.8% according to the February 2022 poll. The punchline: “If we keep following this trajectory, we will all be gay by 2054.” On its own I don’t have a major issue with the joke, but the way it is used as a setup for what comes next is where the problem begins.

For context: the overall LGBTQ adult population in the United States sits at 7.1%, and of that 7.1%, only 0.7% identify as transgender. Keep those numbers in mind.

Joke 2:

“I’m just saying, when things change this much this fast, people are allowed to ask ‘what’s up with that?’ All the babies are in the wrong bodies? Was there a mix-up at the plant?”

With only 0.7% of the U.S. population identifying as transgender, why are comedians so insistent on telling their audiences that trans people are taking over? We remain one of the most underrepresented groups in the country, not to mention one of the most misunderstood and misrepresented. I know why these jokes get made. They get made because LGBTQ identification is rising overall. But why is that treated as something alarming? The implication that more people identifying as something other than straight and cisgender is a problem is one I have yet to hear a coherent argument for.

Joke 3:

“It wasn’t that long ago when adults asked a kid ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ They meant what profession.”

Children do not grow up wanting to be LGBTQ. Kids still have aspirations regardless of how they eventually identify. For some of us, not being able to identify honestly was what put those aspirations on the back burner in the first place. It was hard to conceptualize a career or a future when I felt so isolated and withdrawn from who I knew I was. The idea that children aspire to be transgender, or that identifying as trans is somehow easier than being gay, makes no sense to me. Nothing about the rates of suicidality in transgender people suggests this is a path anyone chooses lightly. Nobody asks for this. What people do is make the most of the situation they are in, and try to help others understand it is okay to feel this way, because for some people there is no one telling them that it is.

Joke 4:

“In the wake of America about to lose abortion rights, the ACLU recently tweeted a list of those who would be disproportionately harmed by this. You would think women might top that list, no, wasn’t even on the list. Second on the list was LGBT. Abortion rights affect gay and trans people more than, you know, breeders? Someone needs to say it, not everything is about you.”

Maher misreads the list entirely. Women are not missing from it because they were forgotten. They are implicit in every category listed: Black, Indigenous, LGBTQ, immigrants, people with disabilities. These are not categories that exist separately from women. They are groups of people who include women and who face compounded barriers to abortion access. The list was not made by or for LGBTQ people specifically, and “not everything is about you” is a rich thing to say to a community that has had half the country dedicating legislative sessions to targeting them. If trans people talk about these issues constantly, it is because no one else is showing up to defend us, and people like Maher are actively spreading misinformation about our lives.

Joke 5:

“We’re literally experimenting on children, maybe that’s why Sweden and Finland have stopped giving puberty blockers to kids. Because we just don’t know much about the long-term affects, although common sense should tell you that when you reverse the course of raging hormones there’s going to be problems. We do know it hinders the development of bone density, which is kind of important if you like having a skeleton. Fertility and the ability to have an orgasm seem also to be affected.”

Where to begin.

Puberty blockers are not experimental. GnRH agonists were first isolated in the early 1970s and have been used clinically since the 1980s to treat precocious puberty in children. That is decades of use predating any conversation about gender-affirming care. On bone density specifically, research has shown that bone mineral density does decrease during treatment but generally normalizes after treatment ends, and is further preventable with calcium supplementation. Long-term studies going back to the 1980s on precocious puberty patients found no lasting effects on peak bone mass. It is not a non-issue, but it is also not the skeleton-destroying crisis Maher describes.

Then there is the orgasm claim. Maher attributes the quote “have never experienced orgasm and likely never will” to Dr. Marci Bowers, a gender-affirming surgeon based in California who performed surgery on Jazz Jennings. Bowers never said that. It was said by Jazz Jennings herself, about her own experience. The quote comes from an Abigail Shrier article in which Shrier interviewed Bowers, and Maher’s writers apparently attributed Jazz’s own words to the doctor who treated her. This would be embarrassing enough on its own, but what makes it worse is that Bowers herself publicly stated after the Shrier piece was published that her comments had been taken out of context and used to undermine trans care. Maher then uses this same article to promote Shrier’s book, Irreversible Damage, which is the source of the misrepresentation he just repeated.

Joke 6:

“If this spike in trans children is all-natural, why is it regional? Either Ohio is shaming them or California is creating them.”

Yes, Maher. Ohio is shaming them. That is precisely what is happening. Ohio has proposed multiple bills targeting trans youth across healthcare, sports participation, and bathroom access. California has proposed none targeting LGBTQ youth in the same direction. It is not a mystery that LGBTQ young people are more likely to live openly in states that are not actively legislating against their existence. You can also look at Alabama’s law criminalizing the prescription of puberty blockers or hormones to anyone under 19, making it a felony punishable by up to ten years in prison for doctors who do so. The idea that geography has nothing to do with how safe someone feels identifying openly is not a point worth taking seriously.

Joke 7:

“But hormone blockers and genital surgery, fine. Talk about a nut allergy. I guess penises are gross now but one might come in handy one day. If you’re a man who wants to experience life without a pair of balls, you don’t have to get surgery, you can get married.”

I should not have to explain why this is wrong at this point. Children do not undergo gender-affirming surgery. This has been established. The marriage joke is just old.

Maher closes with the same “when I was a kid I wanted to be a pirate” comparison that Walsh attempted with his walrus book. The comparison of trans identity to childhood imagination has been done to death and it does not get more accurate with repetition. Trans people are not growing out of anything. What we are doing is trying to exist in a world where people like Bill Maher reach millions of viewers per week without bothering to verify a single quote.

These misrepresentations are not harmless. They are fuel for the same people proposing the bills that are trying to erase us. Bill Maher and HBO can and should do better.

“The student’s internal and external reproductive anatomy, the student’s normal, endogenously produced levels of testosterone, and an analysis of the student’s genetic makeup.”

If you cannot understand how invasive that is, we have a problem. But back to the video. I will be going through Blaire’s comments one by one, fact-checking them, and explaining why the information she presents is not only incorrect but harmful. You would think she would have learned by now to do her research before speaking on trans sports. Apparently that is asking too much.

Comment 1: “Lia ranks #462 in a male competition and #1 in the female. It’s just comical, it’s a mess.”

Let’s start with the fact that this ranking figure is unverified. The sources I could find place Lia’s men’s rankings at 65th in the 500 freestyle and 554th in the 200 freestyle during her time on Penn’s men’s team. The 462 figure Blaire references does not appear in any credible swimming database and may be drawn from a non-competitive dual meet time, which swimmers routinely swim significantly slower in. Using that as a benchmark would be misleading at best.

Beyond the questionable number, Blaire says Lia is ranked number one among women without any context. She does not specify that this ranking applied to one event and one event only: the 500-yard freestyle. And if we are being specific about that event, Lia’s winning time of 4:33.24 is nearly ten seconds off Katie Ledecky’s NCAA record of 4:24.06 in the same event. Lia is not the fastest woman to have ever swum it. Not even close.

As for her other events at the NCAA Championships, the results tell a more complete story than Blaire is interested in telling. In the 200 freestyle preliminaries, Lia finished second. In the 200 freestyle final, she placed fifth with a time of 1:43.40. In the 100 freestyle preliminaries, she finished tenth. In the 100 freestyle final, she placed eighth out of eight competitors, finishing last.

Nationally, Lia Thomas ranks 46th among women swimmers, and 36th among female college swimmers. Those are not the numbers of someone dominating women’s sports. Here is a look at how she compared to other women in college swimming during the 2021-2022 season:

Top Times, Women, College Swimming 2021-2022:

100 Y Free: 1st: Gretchen Walsh, 46.05 / 13th: Lia Thomas, 47.37

200 Y Free: 1st: Taylor Ruck, 1:41.12 / 3rd: Lia Thomas, 1:41.93

1000 Y Free: 1st: Paige McKenna, 9:25.61 / 10th: Lia Thomas, 9:35.96

And looking at previous winners of the 500 freestyle event: Paige Madden swam 4:33.09 in 2020-2021. Brooke Forde swam 4:31.34 in 2018-2019. Katie Ledecky swam 4:24.06 and 4:26.09 between 2016 and 2018. Lia Thomas is not breaking records. She is not even approaching them. This narrative is not only factually wrong, it is actively fueling division between trans and cisgender athletes and handing ammunition to lawmakers who are targeting trans rights.

Comment 2: “The thing that really set Twitter off were the pictures of the finalists which, a picture speaks a thousand words.”

Blaire is referencing the photo of the podium finishers at the NCAA Championships. What she does not show her audience is that Thomas is standing on a higher podium because she won. Blaire crops the image to remove the podiums entirely, which artificially inflates Thomas’s height relative to the other competitors. She then suggests that the other finalists are deliberately excluding Thomas when celebrating among themselves.

One of those finalists addressed this directly on Instagram, writing: “Well… first NCAAs is over and boy was it interesting. Being subjected to false claims on Right Wing media due to this photo with my close Tokyo homies isn’t something that happens every day.”

These were three friends who competed together at the Tokyo Olympics. The photo was not a protest. It was not a statement. Blaire either did not know this or chose not to mention it because it did not serve the narrative she was building. Either way, it is dishonest.

Comment 3: “The gag of it all is that Lia was only on hormones despite going through the entirety of male puberty, and then transitioning in her 20’s, only on testosterone blockers for one year.”

This is simply incorrect. Lia Thomas began HRT in May 2019. She did not compete in the 2020 season due to the COVID-19 pandemic. She did not compete against other women until November 2021. That means she had been on HRT for roughly two and a half years before competing in women’s swimming, more than twice the timeframe Blaire claims.

Comment 4: “I can tell you the first year, about all they do is make you cry a lot. They don’t really do jack shit. Anyone who thinks one year on hormones, and you start in your 20’s, after developing as a male for your entire life, up until that point. If you think it’s doing anything to your body in that short amount of time, then I’m sorry but you’re just mistaken.”

Setting aside the fact that Lia was on HRT for two and a half years, not one, the broader claim here is also wrong. Everyone’s body responds to HRT differently. Maybe Blaire did not notice significant changes in her first year. That is her experience. Using it as a universal standard and claiming the medical community’s guidelines on transgender health are simply mistaken is not an opinion, it is a misrepresentation. The research on HRT’s effects on the body within the first year is well documented and contradicts this claim directly.

https://www.gendergp.com/hrt-timelines-hormones-effects/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33648944/

Comment 5: “I think Lia is a bad person. I think there is something to be said about honor, sportsmanship, integrity, and wanting to represent your community in a positive way.”

This is the comment that pushed me to write this piece.

For Blaire White to call Lia Thomas a bad person, while having spent the entirety of this video spreading inaccuracies to an audience that largely wants to strip Lia and every other trans person of their rights, is staggering. Blaire has done this before. Her video about trans weightlifter Janae Marie Kroc falsely claimed Kroc was competing against cisgender women. The video was eventually removed and Blaire issued an apology, but not before Kroc was subjected to harassment. Blaire’s platform is not a vehicle for truth. It is a vehicle for conservative content, and trans people are the product.

Lia Thomas is competing in a sport she loves, following every applicable rule, and refusing to let bad-faith criticism define her. If that is not a positive example for young athletes, transgender or not, I am not sure what is.

Comment 6: “I can’t think of anything than going into a space, being so selfish and narcissistic, that you completely throw out the concept of making other people feel uncomfortable, in that way specifically, and just do it. That would make me a shit person.”

Before this comment, Blaire says that even though her gym has no rule against pre-op trans women using the women’s locker room, she would not do so because it would make her a bad person. This comment reveals a lot about Blaire’s internalized transphobia. If her own body makes her feel that she has no right to a locker room, would she use the men’s locker room instead? Or would she simply not use either? And why does she not apply this same logic to restrooms, which involve the same level of shared space? If she feels her body is so offensive to others that she must exclude herself entirely, she is doing the work of transphobia on behalf of people who more than likely have a problem with her existence altogether. That is not integrity. That is self-erasure, and it is genuinely sad.

Comment 7: “Lia Thomas apparently doesn’t care. It has been alleged that Lia goes fully exposed in the locker rooms, at her university, without a care in the world. Apparently there have been complaints about it, and these complaints have been completely ignored.”

As of this writing, this claim is completely unsubstantiated. Not a single article covering these allegations names any of the swimmers involved, quotes any of them directly, or provides any specific description of what the so-called indecent exposure actually involved. The only source Blaire references is a letter from Women’s Declaration International, which contains no direct quotes and describes a swimmer catching a single glimpse of Lia’s body. The horror.

Lia Thomas continuing to use the locker room is not evidence that she does not care about anyone else’s feelings. What would Blaire have her do? Ostracize herself the way Blaire ostracizes herself? Develop shame about her own body? Since the NCAA Championships, nothing further has emerged about these allegations, which strongly suggests they were either fabricated or wildly exaggerated. Fabrication, as we have established, is not something Blaire White is a stranger to.

Blaire commonly argues that people lack common sense when it comes to transgender issues. Common sense would tell you that it is not right to segregate or ostracize people. The evidence presented here shows clearly that Lia Thomas is not breaking records, is not dominating women's sports, and followed every rule she was required to follow. She is simply doing her best, like every other athlete in that pool. Blaire's videos do not illuminate this issue. They distort it, and the distortion has real consequences for real trans people who have done nothing wrong.

Resources:

https://www.swimcloud.com/swimmer/314430/